When we fall in love, there’s always the possibility of getting hurt. It’s kind of in the term itself, falling in love. There’s a chance that the person we’re falling for will catch us over and over again and we’ll just keep falling that way forever, like my parents, who’ve been together for almost 25 years. There’s another chance, though, that you’ll fall and that person won’t catch you. It will hurt. It will feel like betrayal and the worst part is, you’ll probably still be in love when it happens. When it happened to me, I took comfort in the words of my favorite poet, Miles Carter, who shares some brilliant advice in his spoken word, If You Decide to Leave Someone. Today, I’m sharing my favorite lines from the piece and what they mean to me.
You will lose them over and over again until you’re done with it
When you lose someone, it’s not all at once. You have memories and moments that pop up throughout the healing process and make it seem as though you’ll never forget them, that you’re destined to miss them forever. You may not forget them, and a part of you may still miss them, but once these memories run their course, you’ll wake up one day and realize it’s been a while since you thought about them. Then, after some more time, you’ll realize you don’t think about them at all.
Nostalgia is a liar in how it montages our best memories while omitting our truths
We tend to remember things through rose colored glasses after we lose them. We romanticize our memories until they’re distorted, lying to ourselves and actively ignoring our own truths. As you move forward in your healing, remember these words from Tame Impala: eventually terrible memories turn into great ones. The same is true for right now. Keep moving forward.
You are not obligated to keep anyone in your life
In this ever-connected world, it can feel strange to disconnect from someone you’ve spent so much time with, had so much closeness with, someone you loved, or maybe still love. It is okay to take space. It is healthy to disengage from people who don’t make us feel good, for any reason at any time. It’s important that you put your needs first, and protect your energy where necessary. This goes for your online life, too. If you can’t follow them anymore, don’t. As Carter says, learn how to experience fully, and then let go.
Do not sacrifice your own peace for the happiness of another in fear of hurting them. They will hurt, and they will heal
People who really, truly love us, will let us go if it’s what’s healthiest. Remember that no one who truly loves you will ask you to stay at the expense of your own health, happiness, or well-being. Sometimes, truly loving someone is letting go. Sometimes, it’s knowing what is meant to be, will be, and trusting the universe to take care of the in between. There will be pain, but know that there will also be healing.
You are a universe inside of a vessel
This line is one of my favorites, because it communicates so beautifully what we all need to know: we are so much more than this moment. We are a million moments, stars, infinite possibility and wonders placed within a body. Everything we really need, we already have, and we’re going to be okay.
I hope each of you has the courage to go where you are wholly loved, and to only keep people around when you know you can fully appreciate them. Make sure to check out the rest of Miles Carter on his Youtube channel if you haven’t already! <3
