I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years now, and I feel like this relationship has taught me more about myself, love, and life in general than any other relationship in my life. I’m so grateful for him because we push each other to be better, to work hard, and still hold space for one another to be safe, to make mistakes, to grow, and to deepen the bond we have with one another. In celebration of that, and since so many of the questions I get on Snapchat and Instagram are about my relationship, I thought I’d share five things I’ve learned in love.
1. GOD IS LOVE, SO LOVE WITH GOD.
A huge difference in this relationship versus my other relationships has been the way that my boyfriend and I prioritize both the individual relationships we have with God as well as the one we nurture with Him together. We go to church together, we pray together, we lean into our faith together and trust that God is going to guide us in loving one another to the fullest. Having that faith at the center of our relationship has been so important to us having a real, true bond that’s about more than just being attracted to each other or even enjoying one another’s company. It’s deepened our connection so much and made us true partners in Christ.
2. BEING RIGHT AND BEING HAPPY ARE TWO SEPARATE THINGS.
Being one of four siblings, I feel like my competitive personality was nurtured very early, lol. If you have siblings, you get it. Especially since I’m the middle child, it was always such a rush to win whether we were playing a game or arguing. But in love, in my romantic relationship (and even in my adult relationships with my siblings now, too), being right doesn’t elicit the same rush. I’ve learned that when it comes to conflict, the desire to understand is way more productive and healing than the desire to win an argument.
3. YOU’VE GOT TO PLAY TOGETHER, TOO.
My boyfriend is incredibly supportive of my work and I am of his, too. He helps me pack orders and do inventory for my swim brand on a regular basis. And though both of us are really dedicated to our careers, it’s really important for us to find time to play together outside of routine. We surf, snowboard, hike, watch movies, try new restaurants, hang out with friends, listen to new music, go thrifting, and so much more together. I think a lot of people forget that a romantic relationship needs a really strong friendship to be at the center of things in order for it to last. Having fun experiences together is such a big part of a healthy relationship and bonding together.
4. SUPPORT IS KEY.
My boyfriend and I are surrounded by married couples between our parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and our friends. It’s been so important for us to have healthy relationships around us full of people we trust who can help guide us through learning about each other and developing good communication. Having a support system of people around you who love both of you, want to see you win together, and believe in your love is essential to making it through moments when communication or circumstance might be tough. Time and time again, when we aren’t understanding each other well, we take time to talk to our trusted circle about where we might be failing to see the other person’s side, and then revisit our problems with more perspective and compassion for each other.
5. LIFESTYLE LOVE MATCHES ARE REAL.
When my boyfriend and I first met, we were both just starting to explore our health and fitness journeys individually. As time went on, though, our lifestyle became a huge part of our relationship together because we needed support from each other to change our habits and to stay consistent. This meant not staying up too late on the phone even though we wanted to talk constantly, getting up early for workouts when we’d rather lay in bed all day, having date nights at home together cooking to stay on track with our plans. It became very clear to us that if one of us wasn’t fully committed, it would ultimately bring the other down, too. This is why I’ve realized that for me, having someone who cares about health and fitness the same way I do is such an essential part to me feeling good in my relationship, because healthy minds and bodies are, in my opinion, more capable of healthy love. My boyfriend is probably the person I spend the most time with, and we fully support each other in pursuing holistic lifestyles that allow us to live our most fulfilling lives.
I can’t wait to share more about my boyfriend in the coming months through a project we’re working on together. If you like hearing about how my relationship is going, what I’m learning in love, and maybe even get some tips for how you could love your special someone a little more intentionally, please make sure you’re following me on socials. <3
