I GOT MARRIED AT 22, AND AM STILL BECOMING WHO I AM

The morning after our wedding, I woke up married to my best friend and, for the first time in months, with nothing left to plan. The date we had been counting down to had come and gone, everyone would slowly start heading home, and this huge moment we had been building toward was suddenly behind us.

Since then, I've read so many comments on my TikTok and Instagram posts saying some version of, "I'm so happy you got your happy ending." I know exactly what people mean when they say it, and it means more to me than they probably realize. So many of you have watched me grow up, and I feel incredibly lucky that people who have been here through so many different seasons of my life are genuinely happy for me.

But I keep thinking about that word: ending. Because at 22, I really hope I'm nowhere near one.

I think there's this idea that before you settle down, you're supposed to find yourself first. You should know who you are, build your own life, chase your dreams, travel, become independent, and only then be ready to share that life with someone else.

I understand where that comes from. I actually agree with some of it. I just don't know that I believe becoming who you are has a finish line.

I'm Still Figuring It Out

I don't feel like I found myself and then got married. I'm still finding myself.

There are things I know about who I am at 22 that I didn't know at 18, and I'm sure there are things I'll understand at 30 that I can't yet. I've changed my mind about what I want before, and I know I'll change it again. There are things I'll try and love, things I'll probably fail at, and plans I'm certain about now that may look completely different a few years from now.

And there is still so much I want to do. I want to keep traveling and seeing more of the world. I want to keep growing Sienna Swim and building a career I'm proud of. I want to take risks, try things I'm not sure I'll be good at, and keep figuring out what matters to me along the way.

Getting married didn't change any of that. If anything, one of the reasons I knew I wanted to marry Cole was because I've never felt like I had to choose between loving him and becoming more of myself.

We've already watched each other change so much, and we're going to keep changing. I'm 22 and Cole is 24. There are versions of him I haven't met yet, and there are versions of me he hasn't met yet either. Neither of us is a finished version of who we're going to be, and I don't want us to be. I want to know the people we become.

There Isn't One Right Timeline

I think people my age have grown up hearing a very different message about marriage than generations before us did. For a long time, women were expected to get married, settle down and build their lives around that. Now, in a lot of ways, the message has swung in the other direction.

"Don't settle down too early." "Live your life first." "Focus on yourself." "Build your career."  "Figure out who you are."

I understand that too. I just wonder why we still feel like there has to be a right order.

Some people will get married young. Some will get married later. Some won't want to get married at all. There are so many different ways to build a life, and I don't think any one of those choices automatically makes someone more independent, ambitious or fulfilled.

For me, getting married at 22 doesn't feel like I've skipped over the years when I'm supposed to be figuring myself out. It means I get to keep figuring it out with someone who wants me to have a life that still feels like mine. I want that for Cole, too.

A Life With Room for Everything

This month, we're moving into a new place close to so many of our friends, and I'm ridiculously excited about it. I've been thinking about weekends with everyone nearby, friends coming over with no real plan, dinners at our house, traveling and getting to come home again, and slowly making a place feel like ours.

I think that's the life I'm excited to build. Not one that gets smaller because I'm married, but one that keeps getting bigger.

I want our friends around. I want our families around. I want a home people feel comfortable walking into. I want dinners that turn into late nights, busy weeks and slow weekends, reasons to celebrate and people to celebrate with. I want us both to have things we're passionate about and lives that continue to grow alongside the one we're building together. 

And I want my husband there too.

To me, those things have never felt like they're competing with each other. Maybe that's what commitment means to me right now. Not promising that we'll stay exactly as we are today, but choosing to keep making room for each other as we change.

This Doesn't Feel Like an Ending

I don't know exactly who I'll be ten years from now, and I don't think I need to.

Cole and I will make plans and change them. We'll get things wrong and figure them out. There will be huge moments in our marriage and thousands of ordinary ones we'll never photograph or post. I hope we keep giving each other the freedom to grow, while still choosing to grow together.

Our wedding was one of the most beautiful days of my life, but marrying Cole didn't feel like choosing the rest of my life before I'd had the chance to live it. It felt like choosing the person I want beside me while I do.

Maybe that's why I felt like I wanted to say something about all of the "happy ending" comments I've been seeing. I know how much love is behind them, and I'll always be grateful for that. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't think this is my happy ending.

I'm 22. I'm still becoming who I am. And I get to love someone while I do it.

That feels a lot more like a beginning to me.

With love,
Sienna xx