WHAT APRIL TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEING MYSELF (AND FINDING PEACE)

I posted a couple TikToks recently that I didn’t overthink. In the videos (here and here), I talk about being out more, being around people, and how I don’t feel the same pressure I used to about what people think. And a lot of you resonated with it, which honestly meant a lot, because I know how real that feeling is.

April was really full - Paris and Barcelona, then straight into Coachella and Stagecoach, with travel between LA, Hawaii, and San Diego for events in between. I was constantly around people and energy, and it made me notice how differently I feel in those environments now.

I think a younger version of Sienna Mae Gomez would’ve struggled with a month like this. Not because anything was wrong, but because I used to be so aware of how I was being perceived. I would’ve said no to things I actually wanted to go to, or I’d go and spend half the time in my head - overthinking how I looked, how I came across, if I should be acting differently.

Even when things looked fun, it didn’t always feel peaceful. There was always something in the background I couldn’t fully turn off.

April felt different. I wasn’t constantly checking myself or adjusting depending on where I was or who I was around. I was just there, living my life, and letting that be enough.

I think what’s changed is that I feel more settled in who I am, and I'm finding peace in that. Because of that, I’ve been saying yes to more things lately.

Not out of pressure, just because I’m not holding myself back in the same way. And if I’m being honest, a lot of the “no” I used to default to wasn’t because I didn’t want to go - it was because I didn’t want to be seen, or judged, or misunderstood.

It’s such a subtle thing, but it shows up in so many ways. Saying no to plans you were actually excited about. Leaving early. Staying quiet when you actually have something to say. Being there physically, but not really letting yourself be fully present. I think a lot of it came from feeling like I had to get it right - how I looked, how I acted, how I was coming across. And that’s exhausting.

I don’t feel that same pressure anymore. Or at least, it’s not what’s leading my decisions. I can feel the difference now between saying no because I genuinely need rest, and saying no because I’m trying to protect myself from being perceived. And those are two very different things.

Now I just show up. I’m not trying to be more likable or more digestible. I’m not trying to control how everyone sees me. And that shift makes everything feel lighter.

I know a lot of girls feel this, even if we don’t always say it out loud. Saying no to things you actually want to do because it feels safer. Holding back because being seen feels uncomfortable. Editing yourself to make other people more comfortable. I did that for a long time. And I still catch myself wanting to sometimes. But I don’t stay there anymore.

If April reminded me of anything, it’s this: peace doesn’t come from making your world smaller. It comes from being able to be fully yourself in it.

So go to the event. Say yes to the plan. Stay longer than you normally would. Dance, even if you feel awkward. Laugh, even if you think people are watching. They might be - but they’re not the ones living your life.

Love,
Sienna xx