Have you ever been in a season of your life where you feel like everyone around you is in love but you? That’s how I felt about a year ago. My friends and family all started finding their people, and I was alone, for what felt like the first time in my life (thanks to several long-term boyfriends).
Last November, after a few dates, I got fed up with dating people. I know it sounds dramatic, being that I’m only 18, but I realized I was tired of bringing people into my life who I wasn’t compatible with at a deep level. I was exhausted by failed “talking” stages and weird situationships that left me feeling drained, used, or confused. I also realized that in not spending much time alone, I hadn’t given myself time to figure out what I actually wanted.
Just as all my friends and family were coupling up, I was actively opting out.
It was hard to be in rooms full of happy couples, talking about their futures and the plans they were making with each other. Don’t get me wrong, I was so incredibly happy for everyone, I just felt….alone.
Taking that time was worth it though. I started doing more things alone, went and lived in Hawaii and spent more time pursuing things just because I liked them. I started a company with my mom and our small team that gave me so much confidence, drive, and focus.
I felt really independent for the first time in a long time, and with independence comes clarity. It’s much harder to allow yourself to accept less than you deserve when you’re in a positive headspace, taking care of yourself and achieving your goals, so, in the midst of all this good, I decided to make a list.
I made a list about the kind of partner I really wanted for myself. I laid everything out and didn’t pull any punches. I wanted the next person I was going to be with to be someone who made me feel good, who appreciated me for me, and who positive, happy me would be proud of us for choosing to date.
Then, I prayed. Call it what you want, but praying, manifesting, meditating, or whatever you do to get in touch with God or the universe works. I talked to God a lot about the person I wanted to be with. I fully believe that the realities we speak creates an attractive energy that brings good things into our lives. My boyfriend was that good thing.
I keep most of my personal life private, and I plan to continue to, but the reason I wanted to share this story is because I feel like a year ago, I really needed to hear someone share a story about the way they fell in love that was refreshingly normal and healthy. I needed something to believe in and look forward to, and I hope that this can be that for someone out there reading this.
One night I was crying to my mom, telling her that all I wanted was to find a best friend, a partner, someone who would make me feel safe and loved and match my energy. I had no idea that a few miles away, the man who would become all of those things for me was crying and praying for the same exact thing.
When we met, there were no butterflies or anxiety. Of course I thought he was incredibly cute and I was impressed by him, but I didn’t have a pit in my stomach. I immediately felt at ease, like we’d known each other forever. I think that was mostly because I had finally taken enough time to know what I wanted, so when he came along, I knew it was right.
So when I think about it, I didn’t really “fall” in love with my boyfriend. I chose to love him, because I knew he was an answered prayer and a reflection of all the self-searching I’d done in the past year.
To anyone out there who is feeling like they can’t win at love, or exhausted like I was a year ago from never-ending talking stages, ghosting, incompatibility, etc., focus on yourself. Pour all that energy you’ve been putting into other people and give it back to you. Once you’ve gassed yourself up, write down exactly what you want out of love. Then, start making yourself believe that you (a) deserve it, and (b) are going to find it. Keep the list in your pocket and the faith in your heart and I promise you’ll get so much more than you could even imagine. If you only take one thing away from this blog post, let it be this: DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE. <3