20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS

Every new year is extra sweet and reflective for me, because in addition to celebrating the new calendar year, I also celebrate my birthday in January. 

I’ve always loved having a January birthday because something about it feels really fresh. As the world turns another year older, so do I, and I feel like all the positive energy, ambition, and motivation that colors January for the world is amplified for me. I look back on my last year, growing older, what I’d like to do more and less of, and the ways I’m proud of myself.

This year is especially thought provoking for me, because this birthday marks the start of a new decade: my 20s.

In many ways, I’ve felt like I was in my 20s for a while now. When you start working in an industry of mostly adults at 16, and befriend all of your older brother’s friends (they’re mine, now), you kind of lose track of age. But looking back on the ways I’ve grown and changed over the years have made me realize how much I have learned.

To celebrate, I thought I’d share 20 lessons in honor of my 20th birthday. I’ve seen this on TikTok and I love the way everyone puts their own spin on it. Here’s mine<3 

1. SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO WALK BEFORE WE CAN RUN.

This is applicable to all of life, but also to literally running when I was training for my half marathon. I walked when I wasn’t able to run, but I didn’t stop. I am an ambitious person, which is why it’s frustrating when I’m not immediately good at something. But while I have a competitive spirit and love a personal best, I want to approach this next decade with more patience for myself, because I’ve learned that just because I’m not naturally gifted at something doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. Surfing, working out, and owning a business have been great practice in this skill for me, and though they didn’t come as easily as say, dance or performance, they’ve added so much value to my life. 

2. LOVE IS ALL AROUND YOU. EMBRACE IT.

For what seemed like an eternity, a lot of my friends and family members were in relationships while I was single. It was discouraging when we’d all go out to eat and everyone would split a couple things and I’d be left alone, or when everyone would be cuddled up while I was on my own. I wanted so badly to have a boyfriend and spent a lot of time sad, wondering when it would be my turn. Now, having a wonderful boyfriend going on two years now, I realize that being surrounded by healthy love was part of what brought it to me, all in the right timing. If you’re among winners, chances are, you’re going to win, too. Just wait your turn and embrace what’s all around you.

3. DIETS ARE DUMB. JUST EAT WELL & ENOUGH.

When I first started working with my trainer, who has helped me so much in accepting my body, getting stronger, and truly loving the way I feel and look, the first thing that she told me was that I wasn’t eating enough. I had spent so much time learning from society and the internet that I should eat less, so this really shocked me. Fueling my body with whole foods that gave me energy was the answer, and it didn’t require me to count carbs or calories. Nourish your body well and often, and it will thank you. 

4. FAMILY REALLY IS EVERYTHING.

Family has always been at the center of my world, but in the last few years especially, I’ve learned that blood really is thicker than water. They’ve stood by me when no one else would and believed in me when no one else did. We’ve started an incredible business together and the best times of my life have been and will be with them. Whoever family is to you, invest in them, make time for them, and appreciate them.

5. GOD IS GOOD.

I’ve talked a little about this, but over the last three years, I have given my life to God and watched as it has changed my entire world. I’m not a billionaire, I still have problems, and bad things still happen. The main difference is that I have trust in Him that things will work out, and they always do. Anchoring myself through my faith and bringing Jesus to the forefront of everything that I do has prioritized all of the things in my life that used to take a back seat, and made me more grateful, grounded, and good. 

6. HOLDING ON TO HURT ONLY HURTS YOU.

It’s easy to hold grudges toward people who have hurt you. But in the spirit of giving my hurts to God, I’ve found I feel lighter and happier when I do. Holding on to hurt and grudges is like having poison in your body. It affects your mental health and physical health. I heard from an old friend recently – someone I was close to and who turned their back on me and lied about me when I needed a friend the most. I sat on the text for a few days. I could have replied with sadness or with anger, or just not at all. But I prayed and I asked myself what Jesus would do. And He would forgive, and so I did too. Forgiveness is key to a peaceful life. 

7. KEEP IT SIMPLE WHEN YOU CAN.

Life is hard enough. You don’t need a 42-step beauty routine. Keep whatever you can as simple as you can. Life is more manageable that way.

8. YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.

The Rolling Stones said it first and I’m saying it now. Rejection is divine protection. I’m going to say it again: Rejection is divine protection. And all of the times I was sad about not getting what I wanted, I ended up grateful for later. 

9. MOST BAD DAYS CAN BE FIXED WITH A NICE DRIVE OR A WALK.

During some of my most challenging times, I drive down to the beach to watch the sunset or go for a walk with my parents. Fresh air, good music, and remembering that the world is a big, wide, beautiful place full of endings and new beginnings usually helps whatever I’m facing seem less daunting.

10. YOU’RE NOT FOR EVERYONE!

Some people just will not like you no matter how hard you try, so you might as well invest your time with people who like you without trying at all. 

11. DON’T LIVE IN AN ECHO CHAMBER.

In life and in business, it’s so important to have people who are different than us on our teams and in our corners to help us see the world from a different point of view. Look for people you respect and who respect you enough to tell you when you’re wrong. They just might help you grow.

12. TRENDS ARE TEMPORARY, STYLE IS FOREVER.

Invest in quality pieces (thrifting is a great way to do this, too!) instead of buying things you know you’ll hate in a year. Dress your body for your personality and find pieces that you genuinely love to wear because you feel like yourself in them. It breeds the best kind of confidence.

13. WORK IN YOUR STRENGTHS.

I’m learning this right now as a business owner, that I can’t do every single part. I’ve spent time learning every angle of my business, and now, trying to do all of it is taking me away from the part I’m best at: designing and creative. Ask for help and then be willing to relinquish control and spend more time working in your strengths.

14. JUST BE HONEST.

Tell the truth, with love and respect. Sugar coating things to spare someone’s feelings never really helps anyone. 

15. REAL FRIENDS WON’T FORGET ABOUT YOU.

If you feel like your friends will forget about you if you spend a night in rather than showing up to the party, they’re not your real friends. People who truly care about you will do it in your absence. They’ll also include you, consider you, and show up for you without having to be asked to do so.

16. A PHONE CALL GOES A LONG WAY.

As I get older and busier, I find myself falling out of touch with friends as we all chase our dreams, fall in love, and live our lives. Sometimes planning a big get-together or trip is a lot, but a phone call goes a long way. Catch up with them, stay in touch, and make an effort to stay in their lives, even from far away. My mom has so many close girlfriends from every stage of her life, and I grew up seeing how beautiful those friendships are. Every few years, they plan a big trip, but in between they have lunch, they go for walks, and they are in a giant group text where they share encouragement, love and support with each other. I want that for my life and my friends, too.

17. BE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO ASKS QUESTIONS.

Lean in, be interested, and approach every person as a story you’re excited to read. You might find out you don’t like the book all that much, or it might become one of your favorites. Everyone has something to teach us, if we have enough humility to listen to them.

18. WELCOME PEOPLE WITH OPEN ARMS.

I learned this from my dad. He’s the type of guy to meet you on the street, hear your life story, and invite you over for dinner. He’s also the best cook I know. I want my table to be the type of place everyone feels welcome and full. Being able to make people feel comfortable is a gift I hope I’m able to give as well as he does.

19. YOU MIGHT BE EMBARRASSED. OR YOU MIGHT BE SUCCESSFUL.

There’s a fine line between stardom and being the butt of a joke. In my experience, you’re usually the latter first. You might be embarrassed, but then you’ll probably be successful. People will make fun of you, you’ll fail, you’ll grow and look back on the things you’ve done and cringe. It’s the circle of life. Embrace it and fail forward.

20. YOU HAVEN’T MET THE BEST OF YOU, YET.

There are versions of me I haven’t unlocked yet. Sort of like an avatar I earn through more life experience and adventures. She looks a little like that old skin filter on snapchat and I can tell she has stories. I can’t wait to meet her someday.

I am so excited for what this year has in store, and to keep sharing it with you all. I hope something in here helps you reflect on your own life and reminds you to keep learning and growing. <3